By Gigi Saad, NFTY in Israel Participant, Bus 4
Israel has been built up all my life as this magnificent place in which the Jewish people could find comfort and call home. One iconic scene that has been described to me multiple times since my first day of Sunday school, was being able to touch and pray at the holiest of holiest sights, The Western Wall. You can imagine my excitement to finally be able to get a more tangible understanding of what that scene is like. I go through the metal detector and allow the person to check my bag, wash my hands as I enter, and go to the women’s side of the site. Already I am disappointed. Why does this magical experience include security guards everywhere, and segregation? I brush it off and assume as soon as I touch the wall, all my expectations will be met. I wait my turn to find a cramped spot on the wall lined up with women, and feel nothing. I’m a very sensitive person and like to think I’m very connected to G-d and Judaism, so why wasn’t I overcome with profound emotion as everyone else seemed to be? I even went up a second time just to make sure, and still felt nothing. I immediately felt disappointed in myself. I felt like I was a bad person and a bad Jew, especially after hearing the meaningful experiences everyone else had. A couple of nights later it is still bothering me, so I decide to talk to one of my counselors about it. He tells me just because you don’t connect with that specific spot, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you; it just means it wasn’t the right fit for you. The next morning, we climbed Masada at sunrise and had the most beautiful service. I had never felt the presence of G-d more in that moment. Once the pressure of feeling something and the hustle and bustle was gone, I was able to connect. Something about seeing the sunrise made me feel so at peace with the world, and truly believe everything has its rightful place. I learned that it’s okay if you don’t connect with something the majority of people do, and if you do connect with that thing, that’s great as well. Everyone is made different, so enjoy what you enjoy.
